The 17 Most Craziest Things That Donald Trump Has Said

“If Hillary Clinton can’t satisfy her husband what makes her think she can satisfy America.”

Goddamn. On the plus side, I think Trump just accidentally admitted that he plans on giving us all head if he’s elected. Then again, I think I’ll pass.

“You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes. Blood coming out of her wherever.”

The infamous attack on Fox News talking head Megyn Kelly, and, hey, maybe he really didn’t mean it the way everyone took it. Maybe he was talking about, uh, well… you’ve got me. I can’t wait for the first time he disagrees with someone like, say, Angela Merkel. Can’t wait!

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“I would never buy Ivana any decent jewels or pictures. Why give her negotiable assets?”

Jesus.

“The most difficult aspect of the prenuptial agreement is informing your future wife (or husband): I love you very much, but just in case things don’t work out, this is what you will get in the divorce. There are basically three types of women and reactions. One is the good woman who very much loves her future husband, solely for himself, but refuses to sign the agreement on principle. I fully understand this, but the man should take a pass anyway and find someone else. The other is the calculating woman who refuses to sign the prenuptial agreement because she is expecting to take advantage of the poor, unsuspecting sucker she’s got in her grasp. There is also the woman who will openly and quickly sign a prenuptial agreement in order to make a quick hit and take the money given to her.”

JESUS!

“You know, it really doesn`t matter what [the media] write as long as you`ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass.”

Fair enough, Donald. Fair enough.

And finally, the absolute batshit craziest thing Donald Trump has ever said, especially considering everything we just covered:

“Today I officially declare my candidacy for President of the United States.”

God help us all.